And now for our next guest


What has been commonplace ever since the dawn of late-night talk shows is that the least significant of the guests gets perhaps a three-minute segment at the end of the show, if he or she doesn’t get bumped entirely.

Here’s a scenario that could possibly play out if the Almighty were invited to such a show. Of the 90-minute show, He would spend 87 minutes in the Green Room waiting for His turn to be interviewed.

The host, a man or woman who most likely has a very high self-esteem, is informed by the show’s producer that God has exactly two minutes before the closing credits start to roll.

“And now a special guest Who no one has ever seen or heard will grace the guest chair,” the host says as the audience chuckles at the grace reference. “And now, all the way from Heaven, let’s give a late-night welcome to God.” Some in the audience stand and cheer, some boo, and others remain indignant, sitting on their hands.

“Wow,” says the host. “That’s a pretty mixed review for Someone with such a high status.” “I expected that,” God says with a warm smile on His face. “I figured You would say that,” the host taunts, evoking snarking laughter from the viewers.

“That’s not quite what I meant,” God responds patiently. “What I meant was that people blame Me for everything that’s going on in the world right now, and that’s because they have the wrong idea about Me.” 

“So,” says the pompous host, “you believe in fake news too?” again bringing the audience to giddy laughter.

Realizing the time is growing short to “put God in His place,” the host jumps right in. “So, You think You’re not to blame when a wacko young man grabs an assault weapon and a plethora of magazines and shoots up innocent people without an ounce of compassion in that person you created?”

“I never created anyone to harm another,” God says sadly. “Well,” the host jumps in, “things have been happening like this since, well, the beginning of creation, all the way back to Your precious Adam and Eve.” The audience cheers. “If You’re so omnipotent, as Your followers claim You to be, surely You know what was going to happen throughout history, yet You let it happen, over and over and over again.” The cheers grow.

“If I were to do this all over again,” God replied, “I would tone down the element of the human psyche that is so quick to judge. Unfortunately people think they know everything and judge accordingly.”

“So when a small child is killed in front of his parent, or a young mother dies of cancer, or a dad is separated from his family while he is killed in battle, or families are divided from their loved ones at country borders because they simply want to get a better life, You have no problem with that?”

“You see, my friend, you’re judging without knowing the facts,” God says to the host staring straight into the person’s eyes. “I don’t want these things to happen, nor do I cause them to happen. Human beings cause these things to happen. Why? Because they have a higher opinion of themselves than they should. And at the risk of being rude, you are a prime example.” The crowd is less giddy now, and a collective “oooooo,” is murmured.

“Do you think I didn’t hate seeing My own Son, Jesus Christ, being tortured and murdered in front of hundreds of cheering people?” the Almighty continued. “Do you think that Joseph didn’t injure himself in his carpentry work, or Mary didn’t burn herself in her home-making duties? Do you think Mary and Jesus didn’t mourn when Joseph died?” The audience grows more silent. “Yes, but Jesus and Mary and Joseph didn’t really suffer,” says the host. “They were your peeps.”

“Wrong” says God demonstratively. “They were human, just like you, and they suffered physically and emotionally.”

“But what about all the bad things that are happening to people today?” asks the host. The two minutes is up, but no one dares pull the plug on the interview now. “Surely you don’t feel what they and their families do. You are perfect.”

“Yes,” God says compassionately. “I am perfect and My emotions are perfect. Perfect to the point where you wouldn’t be able to bear the sorrow and shame I feel for My people. My pain is above anything you can imagine. Your view of My reactions to what happens on earth is misguided and fake, based on your way and others’ ways of thinking. There are many things you will never understand and some you choose not to understand.

“You see people with addictions and shame them. Addiction, in any shape or form, is a disease — it’s not a choice, just like cancer, or any other affliction that affects the human body. I don’t want that, but you will never understand that. Life happens, people make choices, and good and bad befalls everyone.” The audience sits in stunned awe at the firm, yet compassionate tone and countenance of God.

“What makes Me the bad Guy in all of this is your lack of faith,” God continues. “Some things can’t be helped, but I promised I would always be with you, yet you don’t believe that, or understand. Frankly, you and everyone watching has the same mindset to one degree or another.

“I know the network people and sponsors are quite angry right now, because we went over My two minutes. So let Me just end with this. I didn’t pull the trigger on any shootings or commit any murders or start any wars. In fact, I watch in utter horror as these things occur. I never want to see My people suffer.” 

God Himself has tears in His eyes, as do the audience and the host. “I love you no matter what you think of Me, and I hurt a pain no human could ever endure for all who suffer. Have faith in that and have faith that I am with you and will always be with you.

“My Son said it best, and it’s the key to everything on earth: ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself.’ When that starts to happen in earnest and when humans start taking care of those with diseases or maladies of the mind, heart, soul and body, then maybe some of that fake news and misinformation about Me will dissolve and your hearts will all be touched. Thanks for having me on.”

The host, with head bent in sorrow and shame, murmers, “You’re welcome.” 

The camera fades to black as the audience sits in thoughtful silence.

© 2019 The Anchor and Anchor Publishing    †    Fall River, Massachusetts